Context of the Appeal. Philemon 12-14.
I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. I would have been glad to keep him with me, in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel, But I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord.
Dear Royal Priesthood,
Paul shows us here that the opinions of others matter, even if it may be to his disadvantage.
Decision (v. 12). Despite having so close a father-son relationship with Onesimus that he considers it a parting with his own heart to send him away, Paul nevertheless has resolved to send Onesimus back to Philemon.
Desire (v. 13). Paul would have preferred to keep Onesimus. He could have reasoned that he needed someone faithful like Onesimus to serve him – and he did need someone, and Onesimus answered to every one of Paul’s requirements and would have been glad to stay and make himself useful, but Paul resisted the temptation to act unilaterally.
Deference (v. 14). Paul did not want to put Philemon in a corner where his only answer to the request about Onesimus would have had to be a yes. If Paul had kept Onesimus in Rome and had sent a request by letter, Philemon would have felt obligated to let Paul keep Onesimus.
By sending Onesimus to Colossae, Paul gave Philemon the freedom to refuse the request, with Onesimus already in his custody. Respect for the preferences of others and the need to not coerce them to do our bidding cannot be overemphasized.
Your Loving Pastor Chris.